If you’re like the many Christian singles whose religion is important to them, then you’re probably seeking a relationship that helps you embrace your spirituality and strengthens your faith in and love for God. But what if you’ve found great chemistry with someone who doesn’t practice the same religion as you…now what? 
Even though it might be difficult to step outside of your spiritual comfort zone and open your mind to a new partner’s religious views, your relationship can work and you both have the opportunity to grow in the process. Here’s how:
#1: Hold off on the religious talk. While religion is one of the most important factors when picking a partner, try to avoid discussing it in depth at first. This is a subject that can cause people to get very emotional and heated, so when you are just getting to know someone it’s best to keep the conversation light and easy. Once you feel comfortable discussing more serious topics, then you can start to bring up your own religious views and beliefs. However, only do this if you’re willing to keep an open mind about your partner’s views and beliefs as well.
#2: Don’t judge. If you’re dating someone of a different religion, there’s a good chance that the rituals and customs in which they partake vary from your own. Even if their ways seem strange to you, try to think that your own religious habits and traditions are probably odd to them. With the attitude that your viewpoints are right and your partner’s are wrong, your relationship will be on the fast track to nowhere. If you plan on avoiding that route and actually developing a meaningful bond with the person you are dating, respect their religious beliefs and ideas, whether you understand and agree with them or not.
#3: Don’t push your religion. Whatever you believe, don’t make it your mission to try and convert your partner to your religion. You will accomplish nothing except making yourself out to be self-righteous, arrogant and un-dateable. Instead of trying to persuade your beliefs on the person you’re dating, put your energy into creating a more compassionate, understanding and loving relationship between the two of you. It is up to you to make your own spiritual decisions and you must allow your partner to do the same.
#4: Focus on similarities. If you find it difficult to see past you and your partner’s religious differences, you should try and look at the things you have in common. Think about the big picture; no matter what the religion, all spiritual teachings generally have the same themed messages: unconditional love, peace, humility, etc. Be happy in the fact that both of you want to experience a deep and meaningful relationship while trying to better yourself and each other. Love the other person for who they are and try to embrace their differences, for they could even provide balance in your relationship and teach you something new.
#5: Avoid being influenced by outsiders. While the majority of us greatly rely on and appreciate the opinions of family and friends when we are dating someone, it is best not to let their ideas influence your relationship—especially when it comes to religion. This may be discouraging, but the important thing to remember is to date who makes YOU happy. If you’ve gotten to know and love a person regardless of a religious label, your loved ones should respect you leading your own life and will get to know and love the person you’re dating as well.
Like many people in today’s world, you took to the internet with sincere hopes of finding love and a meaningful relationship on an online dating site. And joy of joys! You met someone who not only was drop-dead gorgeous, but who also sent gifts and promised their undying love and devotion. Great, right? Well, it was until this person cleaned out your bank account and took you for a ride on an emotional roller coaster that you decided…not so much.
Recently, people across the web have fallen victim to online dating scams in which con-artists create fake profiles to capture the hearts and wallets of their prey. If this has happened to you, take the following steps to get help:
Step #1: Cease all communication. If you find that you’ve been robbed by an online dating scammer or think you might have a potential scammer on your hands, it is imperative that you immediately put an end to all communication. Block or stop responding to emails, chats, etc., as there is no point to try and catch the scammer on your own. Most of the time they are located in another country and it is best to leave the apprehending up to the appropriate authorities.
Step #2: Report to dating site. To ensure that the scammer doesn’t wreak any more havoc upon innocent online daters like yourself, it is crucial to report the con-artist to the administration of the dating site on which you met them. Any reputable online dating service will remove the scammer’s profile right away.
Step #3: File a police complaint. Not only do you need to report the scamming incident to the dating site involved, but you also need to file a complaint with the police. You might have to show emails, chat conversations, text messages, letters or anything that legitimately shows the scammer requested or stole money from you. Unfortunately in many cases you may not get your money back, but at least you will have peace of mind knowing that the person who robbed you is locked up. With an influx of these scams abounding from Nigeria, the good news is that the Nigerian law enforcement is working with police across the world to make sure these criminals are arrested and punished.
Step #4: Wait for police action. After reporting your complaint, the police will follow up with you to gather more details on the scam, the scammer, communication between the two of you, etc. Be sure to disclose as much information as you can, thereby giving the authorities a better chance to catch this person. They will also request more information from the dating site to gain knowledge about the scammer’s profile, activities and whereabouts. With advances being made in catching these online predators, there is hope that yours will be arrested…and if you’re really fortunate, you may even see your money again.
Step #5: Avoid future attacks. To keep yourself from falling into this trap again, watch for the following signs that the person you are communicating with on a dating site might not be who they say they are:
- Picture is too good to be true. Sure there are plenty of attractive men and women on dating sites, but not everyone is a model. If there is only one picture of your online friend on their profile and it looks as if it were snagged from the pages of a magazine…there’s a good chance that it was.
- Love is professed immediately. Of course it’s nice when someone tells you how much they love and adore you—but not right away. Online scammers claim serious feelings off the bat so that they can hurry up and get to your bank account.
- Poor spelling/grammar is used. If your online fling is constantly misspelling words and using grammar that doesn’t align with their alleged education or background, you may be interacting with a scammer.
- Money is requested. No one pursuing you for the right reasons should ask you for any kind of financial assistance. Scammers will conjure up stories about having medical problems or having issues leaving their country to come see you, etc. to get you to relinquish the funds—don’t fall for it!
For Christian singles eager to become a part of the dating scene, it is important to balance the religious side of dating with the thrilling and exciting side. So with the following suggestions, dates are focused on fun activities that would still make the Lord proud:
Attend Bible study together. This is a great way to learn more about God as well as help each other grow spiritually. Bible study provides a good opportunity to engage in conversations as you discuss various Biblical topics along with your personal ideas on what the scripture means to you. You can even talk about how you plan to apply the lessons learned to your own life. This can create a great spiritual foundation for future dates.
Go to the movies. This may seem like an obvious idea, but it still makes for a good date in the beginning of a relationship. A comedy is always a good choice on which the two of you should be able to compromise. As long as the comedy is good natured, it will allow each of you to laugh and relax. Go out for ice cream when it’s over to talk about the film and get to know more about each other.
Go to a concert. You can find many Christian bands touring the country that play at large venues or even churches in your city. Christian or gospel concerts are just as much fun as concerts put on by mainstream artists, but the added fellowship will allow you to connect with your date on a spiritual level as you have fun and listen to uplifting music.
Go to a post-church brunch or dinner. One of the best dating ideas can originate from chatting after services and extending an invite to brunch or dinner. Enjoying a meal at a restaurant is always a classic date option, as it provides you with the opportunity to relax and discuss a variety of topics in a public place. If you go after church you can talk about the service and discuss your own ideas about the message, and if you really hit it off this can evolve into a nice dating ritual every Sunday.
Attend a sporting event. Attending your favorite team’s game together is a fun way to share a wholesome first date. Even though there’s a good chance rowdy fans will be present, you will usually get a good family crowd at a sporting arena, also. This date will allow for easy conversation about the team, the sport, and of course…a dinner of nachos and hotdogs.
Have a barbecue picnic. Spending a beautiful day outside having a barbecue with your date is a great way to spend time with one another. This is a simple date that has all the elements of romance in its favor. You will have the chance to be alone and enjoy the company of one another with nature, food and a relaxed atmosphere.
Volunteer. The two of you could enjoy a date helping your community while getting to know each other at the same time. Many non-profit organizations welcome the assistance of volunteers for special events or ongoing services. Check with your church to see if there’s anything coming up that you can help out with or pick a charity that means something to both of you. Reading at a children’s hospital, serving food to the homeless, or walking dogs at an animal shelter will not only help others, but it will allow you to work together and enforce a bond through teamwork.
The month of October has arrived and with fall knocking at our doors we tend to think of pumpkin patches, cooler breezes, apple cider and the color orange. Considering that October also means Breast Cancer Awareness month, instead of orange, we should change the color we normally associate October with to the color pink.
What Does Breast Cancer Awareness Month Entail?
Each year during the month of October, major breast cancer charities come together to increase awareness of this devastating disease and to raise money to aid in the research of its cause, prevention, diagnosis, treatment and of course, a cure. The campaign offers information and support to individuals ridden with this cancer, as well as to their families and friends.
How to get Involved
If you or a loved one has been afflicted with breast cancer, this month probably touches close to home and carries with it a lot of significance. With over 25 years of awareness, education and empowerment, Breast Cancer Awareness Month has come a long way…but there are still great strides that we need to take to achieve results leading ultimately to a cure. To do that, it is our Christian responsibility to continue to fight the battle against breast cancer. Here are some ways in which you can help:
- Donate.This is an easy step that can make a huge difference. With organizations like Susan G. Komen, The American Cancer Society, and the National Breast Cancer Foundation, you can conveniently make a donation online or via mail.
- Participate in an event. A number of events are offered through different fundraising organizations. Join in activities ranging from anything such as bowling, to cooking, to golfing. You can also celebrate survivorship, honor those who lost the battle, and raise funds and awareness for the fight by finding a local Race for the Cure—put on by Susan G. Komen, this is noted as the most successful charity event ever created.
- Start your own fundraiser. This is your opportunity to get creative. Gather friends, church members and neighbors in your community and host an event to raise money by means such as a bake sale, silent auction, pot luck dinner, or even your own sporting event or marathon.
- Become an advocate. By signing on to the Breast Cancer Bill of Rights, you are signing on to a foundation to ensure the protection of rights for breast cancer patients. You will be joining thousands of other advocates and voicing the opinion that access to quality health care is not an option, but a right.
It is estimated that nearly 200,000 women this year alone will hear “breast cancer” as a diagnosis—with more than 40,000 losing their lives to the disease. Over the next 25 years about 10 million women will be diagnosed. To put a stop to this, it is up to us to raise funds and awareness for this life-threatening cancer. The diagnosis for breast cancer doesn’t have to mean the end–it can mean the start of finding the facts, finding a means to fight, and finding strength in the hope that there will be a brighter tomorrow. How will you help?
“Very truly, I tell you, you will weep and mourn, but the world will rejoice; you will have pain, but your pain will turn into joy.”–John 16:20
We love to love, but if you love the planet too, you may want to implement a few green techniques into your love life. It doesn’t have to mean poor hygiene and candle lit dinners over raw food, it just means being more aware of what you buy. Consider it being good to the planet and your lover.
- Use organic lube. Nearly everyone has this in their goodie drawer (and you should), so why not make it organic? Organic lube isn’t necessarily better for you or your partner, but it is better for the planet since it isn’t made from petroleum-based ingredients. Organic lube is readily available in most sex shops, but if you have trouble tracking it down, you can always do a quick search online and have it delivered to your door within days. We know you won’t want to go longer than that without it.
- Turn out the lights. When you’re in the mood for a little hanky-panky, kill the lights. It conserves energy and it’s sexy. Sure, we love to see what’s going on too, but sometimes it’s nice to be in the dark over what’s going to happen next. If you’ve been sharing a bed for quite some time, this is a great way to show off your more adventurous side in bed. If you think no one is looking, sometimes you’re more apt to try something new or be open to something different your partner has been wanting to try.
- Light up soy candles. Candles packed with parabens and lead aren’t any good for the environment or your home’s air. Instead, swap those old-fashioned candles for soy candles. Soy candles burn cleaner and typically result in fragrance that’s true to whatever the candle is supposed to smell like. This means a lightly scented room that’s sexy and never overpowering. Many men can take or leave candles, but don’t want that overtly sweet or phony perfume smell lingering in the room long after business time is over. Soy candles create a more authentic scent whether you’re burning a romantic scent like rose or a more sexy scent like a musk or vanilla.
- Cover up in organic bedding. Once upon a time, organic bedding only came in white or drab versions of off-white. Now brands are using vegetable-based dyes to create fabulous organic sheets that add a little color into your life too. If you want to keep your bed free of chemicals or dyes, reach for organic bedding when it comes to your sheets and comforter. They are available at most department stores and super stores, and if you aren’t finding anything to your liking, you can always hop online for a vast array of organic bedding that will make getting down in the sack eco-friendly.
- Shop a local market. At your local market, the produce may not always be organic, but it did travel far less than those bananas from Mexico. A lovers stroll at a local produce market can be downright sexy. After all, you’re touching, smelling and squeezing fruits and veggies to find out what’s ripe. It also creates a sense of unity between two people when they feel they’re doing something good for the community. In this case, you’re putting your hard-earned dollars into the pockets of farmers and vendors from your community (or just outside of it), which will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Warning: this could lead to excessive happiness and making out once you’re home.
- Go with glass sex toys. Many sex toys are made from plastic and contain phatalates, a component banned from children’s toys in some parts of the world. Phatalates are what go into plastic to make it pliable and think about how many sex toys do this. Scary, but true, so why would you want to put an object comprised of this inside yourself or your partner? Stick to glass when it comes to sex toys of any variety. Most sex shops have a large variety of sex toys made of glass, but if the idea of walking into one of these places while having the environment on your mind makes you chuckle, there’s always the Internet.
- Use natural oils to get in the mood. There’s something about being slippery and wet that makes most of us raise an eyebrow and slip into we-want-some-action mode. Instead of using a petroleum based massage gel or oil, hit up your local natural health food store and snag a few natural oils. Derived from plants and flowers, these oils can be purchased 100% organic and create a light pleasant scent while rubbing your partner’s back, or ahem, other regions.
- Eat well. Less meat and bread and more fruit and veggies means a lighter, more active you. This doesn’t have to mean you go vegan starting tomorrow, but staying away from junk food and fast food will only be beneficial for your love and sex lives. You’ll feel more energetic and with that usually comes a higher frisky quotient. We don’t want to get into a whole ‘beef is bad’ lecture, but the meat industry in America releases more methane into the air (via the animals’ flatulence) than almost anything else. Skipping meat twice a week doesn’t mean less meat is produced, but it does mean you’re healthier and less dependent on a resource Americans are draining by the minute. Make a commitment to yourself to eat less crap, which also typically crap for the planet and you’ll see your sex life reap the rewards before you know it.
Taking the environment into account when feeling romantic or getting busy in bed are smart moves because hopefully you’re doing both…a lot. If you’re making a transition to a more eco-friendly lifestyle, there are areas that are easy to adjust to. If this is your first shot at going green, it’s likely you’ll barely notice you’re making an effort, but you will notice that your love and sex life improve. After all, if you’re happy and feeling healthy, you’re more likely to be horny and who doesn’t want that?
Just because you’re interested in meeting like-minded Christians online doesn’t mean everyone you run into will be safe. You still have to protect yourself when it comes to online dating because you never know what’s out there. If you were meeting people at a singles mixer at a church, you would still be aware of your surroundings to ensure your safety, right? It’s the same when meeting Christian singles online.
Start Out Slowly and Anonymously
Ensure the site keeps your identity anonymous. You don’t want to share any personal information with potential suitors. Keep it light in the beginning and see what happens. There’s no reason to rush things. If the person on the other side of the screen has ulterior motives, he or she may be pushing things along so an in-person meeting happens quickly. Don’t let this happen. Allow things to move along organically and always report any users who make you feel uncomfortable. All professional online dating services take their users’ safety seriously and most will quickly resolve any inappropriate advances from members.
Keep Personal Information Personal
Keep your personal information personal as long as you feel the need to. Never feel that you have to share anything with a member you aren’t 100% comfortable with. Never assume that because you are on a Christian dating site, you will be safe and that the site will only attract users with good character. A messaging system, both direct messages and instant messages, will be in place by the dating site. This allows you to interact with members without revealing your personal email address or IM name. Use the site’s services as long as you are a member. You may want to do this even after meeting a member in person, since it will allow you to easily cut them off if you aren’t interested in a second meeting.
Stay Guarded While Chatting
You may feel comfortable chatting with someone via direct messaging or IM-ing, but never let yourself become so comfortable that you divulge personal information. Your real name, where you work and the area in which you live should be kept to yourself. Be careful not to let these things slip out when chatting with a potential date. You don’t want this person to be able to learn more about you on their own, using social networking sites like Facebook or Twitter.
Two Is Safer Than One
When the time comes to meet someone in person, be sure you enlist the help of a Christian friend or family member. Meeting someone online, whether it’s to cultivate a friendship or a possible romantic relationship is becoming more and more and accepted. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about and it’s important to remember your safety comes first. Ask a close friend from church or a family member to go with you to the meeting place. This may seem silly at first, but for anyone who’s serious about meeting you, he or she will understand this is simply a precaution. The third party can split after it’s established you’re safe.
Create a Backup Plan
If you feel this is too forward, tell a friend or family member where you’re going when meeting someone from a Christian dating site. Let the friend or family member know where you’re meeting the person, how long you’ve been chatting and how well you know the potential date. After 10 or 20 minutes on the date, have your friend or family member call to check on you. You can come up with a phrase to let him or her know you’re OK and choosing to proceed with the date, or you can use the phone call as an excuse to bail on the date.
Starting with a Christian Site
The best Christian singles dating sites already have one thing working in their favor – they almost guarantee you’re going to find someone with your same faith. This is important to those who are religious and looking to settle down. You may see a family in your future and studies show it’s easier to have a successful family and home life if spouses share the same faith. Sharing the same faith is integral for some Christian relationships and Christian singles dating sites ensure you’re meeting up with quality people who share your beliefs.
Anonymous Option Is A Must
The best Christian singles sites offer total anonymity for as long as users want it. That means you’re able to converse, set up dates and do all of your interaction with a potential date through the dating site’s application. It is very important to keep private things private when delving into online dating. Just because you’re participating on a Christian singles site doesn’t mean you won’t run into people with less than stellar character. You want to keep yourself safe and one way to do this is to keep your personal information to yourself. Stick to your screen name and small talk at first and slowly get to know the person on the other side of the screen.
No Last Names Required
Refrain from mentioning your real name (especially your last name), your work place and the area in which you live. You never want to give someone with ill intentions more ammo for finding you off the web. The best Christian singles sites offer a variety of applications for interacting with users, so you can find what suits you best. Take baby steps by flirting with someone on their profile “wall” or sending them a wink. From there you’ll be able to interact via private or direct messaging. You can get to know a person by leaving them messages on your own schedule. If you are striking up a fun conversation and wish to take it to a real time conversation, you can set up a time to “meet” with your potential date on the instant messaging application.
Using these applications are the best way to stay safe when dating online. Never divulge too much too soon. Take your time getting to know someone, just as you would in real life. Watch for inconsistencies in a potential date’s story. While you don’t want to move too fast, you do want to learn more about this person’s life, where they came from and what they are on the site looking for. Doing this will allow you to get a feel for where the relationship should go next and whether this person is worth meeting in person.
Select from Self-Screening Sites
The best Christian singles dating sites have a program in place that reviews all profiles and images before they are posted to the site. This means you’ll never run into any inappropriate content that may make you feel uncomfortable. The best Christian dating sites want to make users feel safe, no matter what their intention is on the site. Whether you’re there to make friends, do a little dating or find your soul mate, the best Christian dating sites allow you to find what you’re looking for without feeling threatened. They make it a point for users to feel secure and comfortable meeting potential dates on their respective site.
Start With Good Candidate Sorting Features
Black Christian singles may be looking for an online dating site that does most of the work for them. By filtering race and religion into the mix, you’re likely to end up with top candidates that won’t waste your time in the dating pool. The best online dating sites for those who are serious about finding a mate (not just picking up tons of dates) are those that filter the type of person you’re looking to settle down with. The best black Christian dating sites already have this in their corner, so from there, you can look to the basics for what makes a dating site worth sticking with.
Privacy & Security is #1
The first thing to take into account when choosing the best black Christian dating site for you is privacy. You want to make sure the site you’re registering with offers total anonymity until you choose to share these personal things with a potential date. When joining the best black Christian dating sites, look for sites that are free to begin with and then ask you to pay when you want to interact with other members. These sites allow you to peruse members, view their profiles and then message each other.
Go Beyond Email, Look for Convenient Messaging Alternatives
The best black Christian dating sites offer users a variety of applications for users to interact. This means you’ll have an IM system and a private or direct messaging application that allows you to interact with potential dates in a couple of different ways. Some sites will have mild flirting applications that let you signal to another user you’re interested in them. This might be a poke, nudge or wink function. From there, you can expect the user to send you one of these things back or contact you through the online dating site’s private message application. Following this, you may progress to real time conversations with the potential date.
Regional Sorting Is Important
Another function of the best black Christian dating sites is they allow you to pool potential dates through area, not just city. This means you’ll be able to find single black Christians in your neighborhood or within a certain distance, no clear across town. In smaller towns and cities, this doesn’t usually pose a problem, but for black Christian professionals with busy lives, dating someone clear across town isn’t always the best way to start a relationship. This doesn’t mean you can’t go after someone who strikes your fancy and lives far away, but it is nice to have the option of sticking with what’s close. This is especially true if you’re new to the world of online dating and just getting your feet wet.
Easy User Interface is Important
You should also feel comfortable using all of the applications. The interface should be slick, but not overdone. After all, who’s there to check out the site? We’re there to check out who’s on the site! Get comfortable by signing up for a few black Christian dating sites. You’ll find yourself favoring a couple over the others and can work from there. For some, you may feel most comfortable with a chat room that allows users to go on group dates of sorts or participate in an online mixer. Others may feel more comfortable interacting via private messages and then IM-ing to get a feel for what it might be like to go on an actual date with the other party.
Free Isn’t Really Free
When looking for which Christian dating website to join, there are many factors to consider. The vast majority of sites allow you to join for free. You will have to pay for the service once you choose to interact with other members. Some sites do allow you to contact members for free, but remember in the world of online dating, you get what you pay for. Most members who are looking to interact for free are the same people trolling bars in search of a late night hook-up. Most Christians aren’t in the dating market for this type of mate, so a paid site will be your best bet for meeting quality Christians who are after the same types of relationships you are.
Look for an Anonymous Option
The best Christian dating sites offer total anonymity during the get-to-know-you process. This means there’s no mention of anything personal in the beginning stages of finding someone. Christian dating sites are either aimed at all Christians or specialize in a sect of Christianity. Things should move at an easy going pace to ensure the start to a relationship based on trust. This is a cornerstone of any successful relationship. Any Christian dating site worth being apart of will offer anonymity to all members. This gives both parties involved the opportunity to move things forward at their own pace.
Look for a Variety of Messaging Options
The best Christian dating sites have multiple applications for users to interact with one another. This gives you multiple ways of interacting with a potential date. Most members will start out by sending a poke or nudge to one another, letting the other party know he or she is interested. From there, the conversation may progress to private messaging to get to know one another. After that, a real time conversation may take place via the site’s IM system. This allows you to interact more closely and get a feel for what this person is like in real life.
Find a Site at Your Level of Computer Skills
The site should also be easy to use. Not everyone is comfortable interacting on a computer, so the Christian dating site you use should be very easy to use. It should be user friendly, making it simple for those with limited computer experience to update their image and profile. The goal of the site should be to give you potential mates, not to test your computer skills. The applications should be self-explanatory.
Sample a Few Before Picking One
Sign up for a few Christian dating sites. You’ll find yourself gravitating towards a couple versus the others. Once you get the hang of the site, you can start to connect with people and whichever seems to have the highest quality of people you’re interested in, you can begin a paid membership. Christian dating sites are a fantastic way to meet like-minded individuals in your area who put God first. You’ll quickly get a feel for a site’s quality by perusing the profiles and seeing what others list as their interests and the type of relationship they’re after.
